If you’ve been following my blog, you might have noticed that I use the pronoun “we” a lot. In fact, it’s pretty common for me to fluctuate back and forth between “We” and “I.” There’s a good reason for this. I believe that financial decisions should be made as a family.
Most of the time I don’t even think about it, I just write whatever flows out, but there are times that I am very intentional about which wording I use.
The Transition from “I” to “We”
If you’ve ever been in a long lasting relationship, there is a point where you begin thinking in terms of both you and your partner, rather than just you. In fact, a committed relationship needs this to happen!
If you are constantly thinking about yourself, your partner will notice at some point and feel hurt that you don’t think about them more often or more intentionally. If you continue making plans without thinking about your partner, you might find you don’t have a partner for long.
It usually starts with small things. For example, if your friend asks if you’re free to grab a beer, you hesitate before responding to mentally check if you have any plans with your significant other. You might even say, “You know, I’m not sure what we are doing later. Let me check and get back to you.” Or, “We actually already have plans tonight.”
Eventually You Will Become a Dynamic Team
Chances are, you don’t even notice the difference. Spending so much time with your significant other will change your brain to think of you as a single unit rather than two independent people. Your plans become our plans and me time becomes we time. Trust me, married or not, this is a really good thing for your relationship.
Jenna and I have been married for three years and our brains are programmed to think of “we.” And since we have two dogs, we mentally make plans for them, do we take them with? How long will they be in their kennels? It’s automatic. I rarely make plans before checking with her, and the same goes for when she makes plans. It’s basic marriage communication and it has clearly spilled into my blog writing.
Making Financial Decisions as a Team
Like I said earlier, I often fluctuate between “we” and “I” when I write. Sometimes it just flows out that way. However, there are many times I choose “we” very intentionally. As a blogger, I want to share my experiences trudging through paying off debt, financial wisdom I’ve gained over the years, and successes and failures I’ve endured.
And because I am so far the sole writer on my blog, it’s easier to say “I” when writing. However, our financial success wasn’t accomplished by just me. I needed help. “We” relied on each other, “we” encouraged each other to keep going and stick to our goals, and “we” held each other accountable and believed in each other. And “We” is so much stronger than “I”.
Jenna and I do all of our finances together. Yes, I am the one tracking our spreadsheet and paying the bills, but Jenna is involved in every step of the process. “We” talk about our budget and financial plans all the time. I don’t make any decisions without her input. As a result, it only makes sense to use “we.”
What If I Don’t Have a “We”
I feel so lucky to have a partner like Jenna who is so on board with our financial journey. She is just as determined as me, and I can’t imagine doing life without her. If you don’t have a partner to do life and your finances with, you can still kick butt and get out of debt! It might take longer and more discipline, but you can still make it happen.
If you want to get closer to a “we,” find an accountability partner or two who are similarly motivated to get out of debt. Get together and talk about strategies, share your stories, and talk about your plans to get out of debt.
That’s actually how Jenna and I started. We each made a separate budget and helped each other become disciplined with money. Yes, we were dating at the time, but we still shared all of our financial back story and debt. Find someone you trust and work together to find financial freedom!
Keep Budgeting Even if Your Partner Isn’t on Board
If you currently have a significant other, but they hesitant to get on board, you might need to kick butt as an “I” for a while. Unfortunately an uninvolved financial partner might cause some setbacks if they are unwilling to stick to the budget. But I truly believe that if you stick with it long enough, they will eventually come around. Choose to make financial freedom a priority and slowly explain why it’s so important. Work hard and have faith.
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Wrapping It Up
Moving from “I” to “We” is a huge step in any relationship. I believe all budget decisions should be a family decision, because when you work as a team you’re more likely to “win.”
Let Me Know in the Comments
Are you an “I” or a “We?” What has been helpful in making the transition to a “We?”
Jamie my wife and I are definitely a WE! Honestly one of the best decisions we made before we got married was taking a Dave Ramsey course together. It put both of us on the same page when it came to finances and has made a world of difference for us. Honestly I dont know how couples dont budget together… It has brought my wife and I closer because it forces communication.
That’s fantastic! know a lot of people who had the same experience with Dave Ramsey classes!
I agree, budgeting together has done way more than improve our finances, our marriage is stronger and better because of it!
My husband and I are definitely a team on all fronts including finances. It definitely has been a journey to get everything on the same page since he’s a spender and I’m the saver. You might think that spender vs saver equals more conflict, but when we’re on the same team with the same dreams, we compliment each other well.
Thanks for writing this! Such a great encouragement for couples to get on the same page.
It’s amazing what happens when you dream together and make goals together. A strong dream can definitely change your behavior.
Thanks for sharing your story!